I wrote an episode of RAW by myself, with the proper amount of breaks, giving spots to over 30 roster members, to prove to at the very least, myself, that I could write a more interesting RAW than the WWE Creative team, using the current storylines and angles. So here it goes:
Cold Open: The New Day
IN RING PROMO: RAW is in Chicago, Illinois tonight. Xavier Woods comes down the ramp playing songs on the trombone by the band Chicago, (25 or 6 to 4, If You Leave Me Now) They hit the ring and Kofi and E welcome us to Monday Night Raw. They talk about Chicago’s history and how Michael Jordan didn’t like it so he went to the Wizards, how the Cubs suck for 108 years, the Chicago Bears defense is awful, it’s too windy outside, the rap music sucks, etc. Then they say how they made history, explaining how far they’ve come and how they took out everyone like Dudleys, Cena, Dolph last week.
They say it’s a New Day in the WWE. They make fun of Cena as Xavier plays Cena’s entrance music on trombone while Kofi and E sing words they made up to the tune of it. Cena comes on the titantron and explains that won’t happen again. He says he will be doing the US open challenge later but still wants New Day in a match even if he has to do it himself. HHH and Steph walk on screen, ask Cena what’s going on, Cena says he wants a match with New Day, he gets it. HHH says if you wanna do this 3 on 1 then by all means do it, but he’d suggest finding 2 partners.
Match: Dolph Ziggler vs. Kevin Owens. Ziggler comes out to the ring, promos on whatever New Day did to him in the back last week, how they should be punished by the director of operations, and how he wants to be Cena’s partner later for retribution.
Out comes Owens to the ramp, says Dolph has bigger things to worry about and refers to how he squashed Sin Cara last week, how Dolph is next because he’s out to prove a point, he’s the IC champ and gonna prove why.
Kane comes on titantron to address the situation, says he’s gonna make Owens have to prove it, and puts the IC title on the line to make it an IC title match. Owens dominates but Dolph kicks out of EVERYTHING. Owens wins clean in a long, wonderful spot-fest that needs at least one BREAK.
BACKSTAGE INTERVIEW: Tom Phillips interviews Ryback who just watched the match
He puts the match over and puts the belt over by saying that match is what that belt means to us. When you have a chance to fight for the championship you kick it into another gear. Last time they fought, it went to count out because Owens was a coward but when he gets his rematch, the big guy is gonna eat and lick the plate clean.
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Ambrose and Reigns are talking backstage about Dean’s match coming up with Sheamus and Dean is saying how he wants to get to work and knock the stupid off his face and how he doesn’t deserve the briefcase. Ambrose adds that he beat Sheamus the night after he won the thing. Reigns says that’s true and that he’d like to see him with the briefcase. Ambrose says you’d have that briefcase if Bray didn’t pull you off the ladder, and that he could have been champ by now. Reigns says he will send him a message at Hell in a Cell and tonight will be a warmup. Reigns says just go out there and prove you’re the bigger man bro. Fistbump, Ambrose out.
MATCH: Sheamus music hits, comes down to the ring, feeling happy and cocky
Sheamus turns into the heel after they chant he looks stupid. Ambrose music hits and he comes down to the ring, several spots where Ambrose looks at the briefcase and the briefcase gets mentioned. They fight for a while and the arena goes black. Bray appears at the ramp with his chair. Match continues matching. Ambrose hits the dirty deeds. Goes to check out the briefcase and hold it and looks at the fans for a reaction. Arena goes black again. Bray is gone. Dean is still holding the briefcase in confusion and turns around and Sheamus has gotten up for the brogue kick while Dean holds the briefcase and wins. Reigns comes out when Sheamus leaves to give him some jaw and really to check on Dean. He taps him a few times in the head and Dean sits up not knowing what happened. Bray appears on the Titantron in the dark room sitting in his chair (pre-recorded,) laughing maniacally with Harper and Strowman by his side. DEPTH
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Dolph is in his locker room or the hallway pacing around the back, heated about losing, increasing with heat to the point he loses it and starts knocking everything over, HHH stops him says whoa whoa whoa, Dolph, there’s no need for this, you had a hell of a match and you proved you deserve that title just as much as anyone else. I’m making a triple-threat match between you Owens and Ryback at Hell in A Cell for the Intercontinental title. You earned it. Dolph is thankful, Summer Rae appears in the background somewhat hiding/spying as a sign of foreshadowing.
Commentary recaps everything that happened so far; how creepy Bray Wyatt is and how he can be everywhere at once and he’s unpredictable. New Day and their antics/match tonight with Cena and possibly two partners if Cena’s smart, putting over the IC title picture and that Summer has something up her sleeve, then they play us video package of NXT match w/ Bayley and Sasha
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Team BAD is talking about the match Sasha had and how even though she was lost it proved that it’s time for people to see what the women can do in the ring and you showed that. And that Naomi and Tamina have a match against the Bellas later. Charlotte and Becky come up to compliment Sasha and Charlotte says Sasha is probably deserving of a title match and the Bellas crash the party and Nikki says she hasn’t got her rematch yet and Charlotte says please even Brie and Alicia are more worthy of a title shot than you. Team BAD is all like ooh burn and the Bellas are all like yeah you’ll know what a burn is when your body is all sore from the rack attack I’m gonna give you. Paige is walking towards the group and Nikki says speaking of getting burned it looks like you’ve been getting some sun Paige. Paige keeps her cool and asks Nikki where her belt went and reminds herself she saw it in Charlotte’s locker room and says that’s two doors down and to the left.. comes back and says by the way, left is that way (helping her differentiate left and right) Everyone’s laughing as Nikki stands at the scene, dejected, Alicia inspired, Brie humbled.
Kane and Rollins and whoever else involved has a segment. I don’t know what to do with them and I don’t know where they’re going with it but I’m sure WWE has some idea what they’re doing in this storyline being that it is their top billed storyline other than the Undertaker and Lesnar thing, so I’m gonna leave it a lone and let it be produced for the 15 minutes that it will take.
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Ambrose is pissed and tells Roman that he’s coming out to the ring so he can get his hands on Bray when he comes out there in his match later
Match: Miz has a match with R-Truth and Miz cuts a promo on the ramp about how he didn’t wanna come out here and have a match because he has more important things to do and he gives a stylish and bitchy looking plant tickets to his next show or the Cubs game or something. (This will become a part of his gimmick, associating with chic fans) R-Truth’s music hits and he does a little heartfelt rap thing about the struggle in Chicago but they’re gonna come out of it, and don’t listen to people like the Miz because they aren’t real like you and I.
R-Truth goes over for the win. Miz takes the tickets back from the fan after the match for extra heat.
Match: Sasha’s music hits because she’s out to come sit and do commentary and talk about her match a whole bunch and what it means for NXT while Naomi/Tamina vs. the Bellas is going on. The Bellas win because Alicia helps the Bellas at a spot where everyone’s knocked out and Nikki is legal so she rolls Naomi in the ring who’s outside and Nikki picks her up and hits the rack attack. Sasha didn’t help because she was talking about her match and basically telling her life story on commentary, happy to be in the spotlight in WWE and that’s why she wasn’t there to help. They banter at the announce tables and around the ring. This creates heat within the Team BAD faction.
BACK STAGE SEGMENT: Neville is in the back somewhere. He is caught up with by The New Day. He lost to Sheamus last week in 30 seconds, so New Day rubs that in and that there’s no way Cena would pick him as a partner because of it. They tell him to keep his head up and stay positive and that his time will come too. Big E flies around pretending like he’s a Neville/superhero/plane in the background. They continue to keep walking and the camera whips around as the New Day is in shock because they see the Dudleys in the distance walking quickly down the hall towards them and the New Day runs away.
Match: Ryback in a squash match vs. two jobbers like the good old days, putting Ryback over and bringing truth to the backstage interview he just did.
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: New Day is being cautious around the corner looking down the hall and the Dudleys are still walking towards them so they continue to run away and in the process Kofi knocks over jumps over a table where Rusev is sitting playing the board game RISK with himself. Rusev gets really mad and starts yelling in Russian.
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: Rusev has found somewhere to bring his RISK game where he can play in peace. He has a bunch of pieces in Russia and pieces in America and the other countries. He takes the pieces in Russia and knocks over all the other pieces completely amused with himself and Summer Rae is heard in the background, really excited and goes HI RU-RU and Rusev knocks over the table and is sad that Summer is talking to him and tells him that she found out that Dolph was added to the Intercontinental title match which makes him angrier because he wants gold around his waist and he goes off on Ziggler and leaves the room so now Summer is contemplating her next move.
BACK STAGE SEGMENT: The camera goes to the Lucha Dragons who are supposed to have a match against the Ascension. They are talking and are met in the hall by Stardust, who starts talking to them in his space-talk using metaphors first putting them over but the Dragons have no idea what he’s saying and Stardust gets frustrated so he says how life is a ride but sometimes you crash and this is one of those times, Ascension come out and blindside the dragons, taking them out.
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: The New Day are still running from the Dudleys but they think they are safe as they eat some food and talk with their mouths full glad that the escaped the Dudleys and making fun of Cena and how beating him 3-on-1 is gonna be so much fun but here come the Dudleys so they run when they see them and hide in a closet as the Dudleys bang on the door.
IN RING: The Ascension are coming out to the ring with Stardust but have nobody to fight, because they took out the Lucha Dragons. So Stardust kicks a nonense promo talking about space and as that happens we go to….
We come back and Stardust is doing his promo still. Kane makes his way to the ramp and basically says you guys are douchebags and didn’t play fair so I found you two new opponents. Cesaro’s music hits, he comes down the ramp. Orton’s music hits he comes down the ramp. They both excel at being the Orton and the Cesaro that they are and hit their finishers and win. Out come the Dudleys to make a statement as they tell Orton we’ll take care of this and put each member of the Ascension through a table and give Cody the 3D. Bubba walks out of the ring to Lillian Garcia and takes her microphone and goes nuts on The New Day as only Bubba can, imploring Cena to make the Dudleys his tag partners. Announcers tease the possibility as we go to..
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: We open in the dark hall where Wyatts shoot their promos to see Harper taping up his wrists and doing his pre-match rituals as he gets ready for a match with Roman Reigns as Bray explains himself. He explains Harper is fresh and that he wants him to take his spot in his match tonight and weaken him as he saves his energy for Hell in A Cell. He also sends Strowman to go out there with him.
Roman’s music hits, commentary talks about if Bray is even allowed to do that. Harper’s music hits, match happens, mid-match BREAK, match still going, Roman goes over with Ambrose’s involvement.
BACKSTAGE SEGMENT: HHH is walking and hears noise from the closet and The New Day is in there playing some game and laughing and HHH opens the door which scares The New Day and HHH says what the hell are you doing you guys got a match and they come out and say yes sir as Xavier plays hail to the chief or pomp and circumstance on trombone
Backstage: Renee Young catches up with Roman and Dean at the ramp/backstage area.
On-ramp: Renee Young has Roman Reigns and Ambrose after his match and he does an interview about how Bray is a coward by not coming to the ring to fight him and for getting involved in Ambrose’s match but the feed goes out mid-interview and is interrupted by Bray in his dungeon, shown on the nearest TV or titantron, and he talks to Roman personally revealing that he wanted to study his match from afar so he could calculate his every move. Wyatt says the immediate future doesn’t look good for them. The Wyatts are up by now and come to attack Roman at the ramp. They fight at the ramp with the big spots Strowman getting speared into the titantron screen thing and Ambrose containing Harper until Reigns superman punches him. Commentary says main event coming up next and asks how a night like this is going to end.
Match: Kofi, Xavier and Big E vs Cena. Cena’s music hits. He comes in the ring and takes the microphone and is about to say something. The New Day’s music hits. They run down to the ring and surround Cena and beat him up for a little bit. The Dudleys music hits in the middle of the match and they join the match as they clear house and Cena takes the mic and says let me introduce you to my tag team partners for this match, the Dudley Boys. Chaos happens through the whole match, the Dudleys leave their post to beat up the New Day on the apron, the New Day leave the apron to beat up the Dudleys. The match ends when someone gets hit with the tag titles and Cena and friends win by DQ. Cena and the Dudleys hit their finishers on everyone and then Cena says we’re not finished and Neville’s music hits. He hits ground finishers on two of the New Day and hits the Red Arrow through a table on the last one of the New Day. The Dudleys stand tall and hyped with Cena as the New Day lies on the ground and RAW goes off the air.
Side note: Cena’s open challenge is accepted by Rollins and fits wherever you wanna put it in the card. You be the judge.
WWE RAW Episode #1168